Fear is essentially an emotion enabling evolution and survival. However, sometimes fear is irrational and disturbing to normal life. What degree of fear is normal?
I think fear is a natural instinct that helps us to survive. It gives us warnings, either because we know that our physical life is threatened, or because we have past experiences that we can recognize: Watch out – similar patterns are coming up again; be careful, protect yourself.
If fear hinders you in living your life, taking care of your daily activities, obstructing how you function, then it doesn’t have a protective task.
Of course, some people are more fearful, and some are adventurous. If I were to say to you, “Jump off this roof,” you would experience fear, because you know that would endanger your physical life. This kind of fear is in proportion to the act; it makes you stop. If you were attracted to a man and I’d say, “Go over to him, make that step, and talk to him,” and you say, “Oh no, it’s too scary; maybe he doesn’t like me” – this fear has to do with past traumatic experiences. It is an internal emotional defense mechanism, not physical protection.
That’s where I would make the division. When fear is useful for you it is a positive force in your life, and when it is preventing you from discovering new areas, it is not.

When does fear become a problem?
When it is not working for you any more. When fear as a survival emotion is working for you, it gives you information: Danger – you have to consider more factors in order to move on. If fear stops you, it gives you less information, and narrows your field of perception, then it becomes a problem.
I remember sitting with Osho in a Darshan, and somebody told him they were scared to get more involved with their inner process. He gave an answer I never forgot. He said, “Imagine that fear is like a crossroad with a traffic light. Fear indicates that the light is orange: it is warning you. If there is real danger, of course the orange will shift into red: Stop! But sometimes it flashes orange because it brings you into an area that is unknown, something you haven’t experienced yet. You cannot know if it is dangerous or not. The ego, which can only function out of past information, will always give a danger signal when something new wants to happen. “
Always check out: Is it something that requires a full stop, or should you go ahead? You have to break your ego pattern with new discoveries, and fear will come up. You can interpret it as either ‘Stop: danger – contraction’ or as ‘Danger: excitement, new exploration.’ When you go into your personal inner search, then take the attitude of ‘more to explore – fear equals excitement.’ Then only can transformation happen to you.

What kind of fears are the most common in your clients?
At the Humaniversity we see three basic fears: the fear of going crazy and losing control when you really let go; of sexual pleasure, losing yourself in good feelings; and the fear of dying. This happens not only to the people who come here; I think these are basic human fears.
Then there are other, more specific fears of being yourself, being authentic; of exposing yourself; of making connections with people – relating and intimacy. And the fear of failure – and funny enough, also the fear of success.
We also work with clients who have phobias. This can be compulsive cleaning, a fear of going outside or being in public places, or confined places, spider phobias and other specific symptoms. These various manifestations of phobia can all be brought back to the three basic fears.

Do you notice that some fears are more common to modern times?
I see the fear of being lonely as specific for our time. I think that it is supported by all the entertainment available these days, which does not require human contact. It is easy for people to drop the connection with other human beings and only interact with technical instruments – television, computers, iPods – that they can control. I heard that 95% of boys between the age of 9-12 play video games daily. Contact with another human being who has his own thoughts, emotions, story and behavior brings in a dimension which demands respect for another person who they cannot manipulate.
These kids miss out on alive relationships that teach them to appreciate the constantly changing life force. As a result they become isolated and find it difficult to relate. When they come in contact with other people, they react with fear; they close off and don’t risk connecting. A major part of our work at the Humaniversity is teaching how to create nourishing human friendships.

Does our modern society have more or less fear than ancient or primitive ones?
I think we are more aware of many different kinds of fear. If you look at great literature, you will always find emotions like fear connected with the tragedies of life. Some were cultivated over the centuries, like the fear of losing control; that was clearly created by society.
Or the fear of sexual pleasure, which came as a result of dogmatic moralistic ideals and prevented people from using their natural ability to fulfill themselves. If you deny an instinct given by nature and say it is bad, you bring a person in a double bind. He gets scared of the feelings that a healthy body creates and judges them. He is powerless against the dark force driving him, which in religious terms gets described as, “The devil is haunting you.” That takes the ground away from under his feet, and he becomes easy to control. His roots get cut and he loses his inherent intelligence.
I don’t think the first man and woman were scared of their sexuality; on the contrary, I’m sure they enjoyed all the natural pleasures involved in creating humanity.

What kind of therapeutic methods are the most effective in overcoming fear?
In my understanding, what helps the best with phobias is behavioral therapy.  You teach the person how to overcome their fears in small steps and encourage them to explore further.
Often fears are connected with traumatic experiences that led to a certain behavior. It’s important to open up the emotional history of a person. While looking into past traumatic situations, you have the possibility to access and express the emotions, understand the background and make behavioral steps towards a healthier situation. In this way you can work with different methods together, depending on what the client best responds to. Maybe one wants to work more in the here-and-now with a behavioral approach. Another can share easily about his past, and overcome his fear by understanding the reason that blocked all his feelings and caused this knot, so that he cannot function the way he wants to.
I always like a multi-methodical approach, because I find it more effective to respond to each individual. Using only one method is very limiting.
In my opinion, the most important ingredient for success in therapy is creating a trusting personal relationship with the client. If there is mutual understanding, if the client feels seen and has space to explore, in that loving connection healing can grow roots. Without this foundation, my experience has been the method alone is not enough. When a person needs help, it’s the personal connection that makes the difference.
As a therapist, you are taking somebody by the hand, saying, “I will help you to look in this area.” A method will help, but the client himself has to take the position to say, “I want to change.” This awareness is the key to emotional health.

What values, beliefs, life styles, etc, may help to live without fear, or with less fear?
If you learn to be truthful to yourself – and I find the best way is to gain more awareness of who you are inside – the more congruent you are in what you say and do, the less fear you will experience. You become more authentic in your way of living. You don’t need to pretend to be someone other than who you are.
For example, if I talk to a big audience and have a lot of expectations about what I should do, how I should be and how I come across, I become very stressed. If I just talk from my experience, I can simply be myself and it is easy. I don’t have to pretend. One of the reasons for fear is feeling that you are not good enough. The first step is to accept yourself. Then you don’t create a separation between who you are and what you present to others and yourself.

You have used the word awareness. What is awareness and what role does it play in dealing with fear?
Awareness is being conscious of what is happening with you and with your surroundings in the moment, without judgment. You just notice and respect it. When you are unaware, you deny certain aspects and ignore, overlook or are blind to them. For example, a deeply painful experience happened to you or your family. By denying it – or even turning it around – you create a blind spot in your personality. And your whole personality will turn around that spot and influence you. But it is just a projection of an old painful situation that you never dared to look at and acknowledge for what it was.
 When you are aware, you bring as much light as possible to whatever is within and around yourself. Your surroundings and the people you meet reflect who you are and help you to understand yourself better. In addition, you are aware of what is happening inside.
So in that way, awareness transforms; it helps you to be attentive to your inner and outer life. It will bring the key to the cause of certain emotions that come up. The emotion is nothing else than information indicating that there is danger. If the danger is real or not, you can only decide when you look into the situation with awareness. That’s why awareness is the key.

I am afraid of death. However, I have friends who claim that they are not afraid of it. Is this possible?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this. In my mind, I would like it to be the incredible experience that I have heard so much about, something absolutely new and mind-blowing.
On the other hand, when I see myself having a terrible toothache, where I am in so much pain that my whole body just curls up, I’m really afraid and my body takes over. This makes me wonder how I will react once I am at the point of actual death. Will I be able to stay aware and keep an attitude of “I’m ready to go into the void, the nothingness that I call death?” Or will I try to hold on to life? I don’t know.
When my mother died, I found myself howling; I felt such sadness at her being gone, so much sorrow that she died; I missed her so much. That surprised me; I knew I loved her very much, and a part of me was also ready to accept what was happening with her – that her death was probably the best for her in that moment. Feeling that sorrow, that sadness taught me to see that there are many different parts in me. Accepting her death and letting myself weep and cry was a cleansing for me and an expression of loving her. I gave it time, and as a result, I became softer and more compassionate towards her and the way she lived her life.
Every time I come in close contact with a dying person, I think, “How will I be when I am in that process?” I hope that I can just lie down in my bed with my friends around me, and say, “It’s time for me to go. Good-bye. I love you. Thank you for your friendship,” close my eyes and go gracefully. That is my plan.
I love the Death Meditation that Veeresh, the founder of Humaniversity Therapy, created to prepare us for our moment of dying. It goes like this:
Close your eyes and count down from ten to one. Now that you are dead, rejoice and say Yippee, throwing your hands in the air. Let all the people who were important in your life pass in front of your inner eye. Talk to them and complete whatever is unfinished, and thank them for what they gave to you. Then say good-bye, let go, and enter head first into the void, the black tunnel. It is important that you keep going straight on without being distracted, aiming towards the light at the end.  And finally you say WOW! as you disappear.

There is a saying, Momento Mori, which supposes that remembering death may help us to live more fully. Doesn’t constantly remembering death increase anxiety?
If somebody is creating anxiety in this way, he doesn’t understand the opportunity that coming face to face with death can give you.
I had a dramatic experience when I was 20 and felt overcome by my problems, and thoughts like “I cannot live any more, I want to die,” came up. Suddenly I had the insight that if I had the courage to end my life, that same courage could help me to create a life that fulfills me. If I was ready to change so radically in a negative way, I could also change in a positive way. There was nothing to lose and everything to gain. It was as if a light went on inside me – and the whole world around me changed from grey into radiant colors.
Later on, when I did my first group with Veeresh, he said, “Imagine that you have five minutes left to live. What would you do? With what intensity would you live?… now do it!” Again I experienced that there is nothing to lose. Living so intensely challenges me to be true to myself.
So for me, Momento Mori has great value. People who wait and wait, until they are going to die, and haven’t done what makes them happy, suddenly realize that it’s too late. Yes, I’m absolutely in favor of: “Live your life totally – now!” I think you owe it to yourself to create the most beautiful life possible.

Why is fear attractive: horror movies, dangerous entertainment, etc? What makes us want to play with fear?
Fear can be either, “There is danger: freeze,” or “There is danger: something new is opening up.” Fear mobilizes a lot of energy in your body. Immediately your whole nervous system goes on alert. It gives you a kick and as far as I understand, chemically a high happens in your body. That must be the reason why some people are attracted – or even addicted – to going into stress situations where they are constantly in this high tension state. That is what makes horror movies and risky adventures attractive. If you look a bit deeper, most probably it is camouflaging some dissatisfaction with their lives.
Being in a state of awareness and looking at what is happening inside is not stressful. It is something that is desirable for me. I dislike being in a state of high danger alert all the time. I prefer the continual awareness that is a relaxed way of being present and open to whatever happens. In this way I feel restful inside myself.

Is it possible to live without fear?
I think it would be unnatural. Fear is an innate human response to dangerous situations. If we didn’t have fear, one of our survival mechanisms would be cut off. It is a normal emotional response to a dangerous situation.
Is it desirable to live without emotions? No; the best is to live with all the equipment that nature gave us without overrating or underrating it. We need to give our emotions their right place and read their messages accurately. Sometimes I think we are very illiterate in that area. Emotions give us information about how to meet our needs, but we are carried away by an ideology of how we should be. This disconnects us from our natural resources.
A vital part of our work at the Humaniversity is to create a safe space where people can be guided to experiment with different emotional expressions and explore new ways of relating. This enables them to open their hearts, enrich their relationships and be happier and more fulfilled in their daily lives.
What we all need is to give and receive love, and become lovable human beings who are grateful for life. Love heals and brings people together. It makes us complete.

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